Silent bewilderment is the mark of a man who has dated many a hairstylist. Sure, it's fun at first: they blow into your life cutely, perky, and with the promise of free haircuts. You party. You dance. You watch Netflix and chill. Then, she starts drinking too much and passing out at your mother's house, so you break up. You thought it was over, but one morning you awake to find she's fingerpainted your entire truck with watermelon, paint, and concrete mix. Silent bewilderment, indeed.