Chick Lambert is somewhat of an internet legend. Now, you’re probably wondering how someone who was a car dealership spokesman in the ’60s and ’70s, decades before the internet was invented, could possibly be raking in any sort of viral fame. Well, it’s all thanks to his NSFW TV spot for the Ralph Williams Bay Shore Chrysler Plymouth car dealership from back in 1968. It’s a car commercial that never even made it to air, but thankfully was dug up a while back for all of us to enjoy.
According to some sources , Lambert was fired earlier in the day, but was forced to do one final live spot before he went. Rumor has it that he took advantage of his camera time to poke a little fun at his boss, much to the amusement of everyone behind the camera.
Here’s a look at the entire ad transcript in all of its hilarious entirety:
Folks you’ve seen it in magazines,
You’ve read it in the newspapers,
In fact perhaps you’ve even seen the owner’s picture:
Ralph Williams, the owner of Bayshore Chrysler-Plymouth,
345 El Camino Real in the City of San Bruno.
You know it’s the big bald-headed son of a bitch,
The man that came to San Fransisco to offer them more for the dollar they spend:
The man that came to San Fransisco to rape each and every citizen in the whole San Fransisco Bay area.
You don’t believe it? Listen to me – I don’t lie.
Take a fucking car like this,
A 1966 Ford, a Country Squire Nightmaster Station Wagon:
Don’t worry about the equipment –
Imagine all the fun you can have in the back!
And while you’re doing it
Imagine all the money
That that bald-headed prick Ralph Williams is going to be making
On the car he’s talk –
Trying to fuck you out of.
Yes, the man who will take every dime out of the San Fransisco Bay area
And spend it on prostitutes,
and of course crap tables
In the City of Las Vegas.
I’m sure you’ve heard about it.
So remember this:
If you’d like to get fucked in the up,
Before you buy a car come down here –
Let Ralph Williams do it!
Why not? Why? Why not somebody else?
Remember our address is 345 El Camino Real,
In the City of San Bruno.
If you come from Marin County,
The East Bay area,
Or San Jose,
Your money spends just as well as anybody else’s –
And when this bald-headed son of a bitch gets a hold of you
You will spend money.
Talking about payments?
Five years payments of a hundred dollars a month!
You can’t get even!
So shop before you buy – Bayshore Chrysler-Plymouth.
I mean, this has to be one of the best sales pitches in television history. Here’s to you, Chick Lambert. I’m sure you were one hell of a car salesman when you weren’t cussing out your boss.