Reddit users roasting other people’s… anything really. Personal appearance, cars and grammar are all often fair game for a vicious attack online, but some users are just asking for it. Literally.
Roasting other’s cars has been going on for a while. Usually the responses range from mean to unoriginal to witty. But one BMW owner got hit with a burn so effective and so well thought out, that it deserves special recognition. User Cwaltz666 asked for his BMW to be roasted, and the internet obliged.
The response by user Drinkwineandscrew took it to the next level:
It’s clear that you’ve put a lot of work into your M3. I bet you love driving it and the looks it gets. So why not take her out for a spin? Why not head to your local airport? Make sure to take your passport and an overnight bag.
Park up in the long stay parking, get to the terminal, and head to the Lufthansa desk. Say ‘hello, i’d like a ticket to Munich please’. I’m sure they will be able to oblige. Go through security, wait to be called, head to the gate and board as instructed by the staff. Take your seat and kick back, safely stow your baseball cap in the overhead compartment and relax. Maybe watch Baby Driver! The guy drives a WRX! You’ll love it.
When you land, go through passport control, and follow the signs for ‘S-Bahn’. Don’t worry if you can’t find it, a member of staff will direct you. Get yourself a ticket from the machines, and head for the S1. That’s the S1. Board the train, relax, and disembark at Hauptbahnhof.
When you arrive at Hauptbahnhof, find a friendly gentleman at the ticket office (he’ll probably have a huge mustache. This is a good sign, it means you’re definitely in Bavaria.) Ask him for a ticket to ‘Regensburg, Hauptbahnhof, hin und zurück, Bitte.’
The platforms will be well signed, and a member of staff can also direct you if needed. Don’t worry if your German is a little rusty, many Germans speak very good English.
Board the train, enjoy the efficient German engineering on the train that you will be familiar with from your automobile, and take in the scenery. It’ll be a little over an hour and a half to Regensburg.
At the other end, stroll off the train and find yourself a taxi. Helpfully the word is the same in German as in English. Hop in and say ‘BMW Werk, Bitte’. It’ll be a short 15 minute trip.
When you arrive, check the time. You’ll need to be there for 8. AM or PM, doesn’t matter. The reason for this time is that it’s shift change. When the hour approacheth, place yourself conveniently near to the gates of the plant. As employees make their way to or from their jobs, please show them this picture, and clearly and concisely as possible, say the following. ‘Es tut mir sehr leid’.
It’s the least you can do.
These amazingly detailed instructions take the original poster all the way to his beloved car’s birthplace to the very men and women who toiled to make sure his car was their idea of perfect leaving the factory. He is to look the workers dead in the face and tell them, “Es tut mir sehr leid.” Which translates, roughly, to, “I am so very sorry,” or even, “It pains me to have to tell you this,” while showing them a picture of what he has done with their creation.
The punishment fits the crime.